殘酷劇場之我的美麗與哀愁

今日在書店看到《黑太陽》有了中譯本，這本曾朝夕相處讀到想將它撕毀吞進肚的書。我，因為論文而美麗，也因為畢業而哀愁。本來，我做的春秋大夢是背著巨額貸款到法國去吃軟軟臭臭的乳酪、把baguettes當肉吃，開始辛苦但是能相依偎的生活。我們會帶回許多共同的異國飲食經驗跟朋友分享。對食物我們常會持相反看法，這時一方或許會說：「當時我看你吃得挺高興的呀！」。然後36歲回來開始從小助理教授往上爬，和第一批學生建立革命感情，說不定還牽個鼻涕娃兒。那樣的生活應當會很忙碌疲憊，但我們不會花太多時間去抱怨，而會用更多的心力讓彼此靠近。當我和《黑色太陽》告別之際，沒想到黑色太陽進入了我的人生中。一枚不發光、不照射的太陽，但是仍每天升起的黑色太陽。


值星官說克莉斯蒂娃是位嚴謹卻又溫暖的鮮艷眼影愛好者。

殘酷劇場之我的志願---警察

曾經，在風雨飄搖經濟拮据的颱風夜，我被偷了一袋剛從頂好買來渡過漫漫颱風夜的菜。我憤怒地報警，卻發現丟了的菜如同變了心的女友一去不復返，內心於是刮起強颱。警察看著泫然欲泣的我問了大致的金額，這時竟掏出兩張紅色紙鈔，它不是藍紫色、也不是紅褐色，是血紅地兩百元。警察大哥擔心這一袋菜是我唯一的食物，他沒有像殘酷人們認為當時的我光靠身上的脂肪過冬都沒問題更別提是小小的颱風夜。他還說，你可以用這錢跟你室友分擔一半的損失。我張著渾圓的感動之眼目送警察大哥離去。回到宿舍，我還是流下了淚：「警察大哥，那一大包菜是給我一個人吃的！沒有什麼室友跟我合炊！你真是太善良了，怎麼會小看我的食量」。

在這逐漸升溫的世界，人心開始嚴重失溫。為了成為對社會有貢獻的一份子把溫暖傳遞人間，所以我決定成為人民的保母。以豐富的教學及與幼稚任性人士互動的經驗，加上別人也常常說我先天合適哺育，我將會是位很好的保母。然而，聽說警察好像要遵守交通規則、為了體態威嚴無法每日進食油炸物、在路上被超車不爽也要有強大政治力後盾才能潑糞飆髒話，連最近想刺的青好像也得改成「反復、清明」。我或許還得再好好想想，想想我巷弄間的紅燈右轉、想想我無炸不歡的飲食、想想我口無遮攔的行車習慣。應該還有其他的職業能對社會有貢獻把溫暖傳遞人間。



值星官請大家聽一聽廖喵小姐最新星球主打歌，考量星際著作權法請自行連到這兒。

謝辭

人要懂得接受他人的暗示，尤其當那根本就是明著來針對你時，必定要有所反應。

陸大畫家這些日子以來持續關懷本部落格的發展及進度，不做些回應實在是說不過去。坦白說，幾天前就在構思如何重新開張，越想就越寫不出來。人真的不能停下來，停滯是種帶有魔性的狀態，久了就通往地獄。尤其當階段性任務完成後，我竟得了失語症覺得已沒什麼好說了！而今日秋陽高照，焚風徐徐從窗外吹來。冒著熱氣的腦袋這下想說話了。我想，就從感恩開始吧！這一路走來，我有深切的感受。那就是，沒有任何成功能只歸咎於一人的。就將我的謝辭獻上，給那些愛我幫助過我的可人兒。由於我寫的題目冷硬、成品欠缺嚴謹、用的也是個不熟悉的第二語，所以我想大家會留念的應該也只有提及你們的謝辭部份。所以就擱在此，供諸君按圖索驥，喜歡的也可以複製回去列印劃線錶框。

謝辭是按照輩份出場的，所以我就省掉前頭大老部份直接切入屬於各位的主題。

提及中文名部份為考量以後本作大紅的微小可能，屆時必會影響當事人自由生活，所以只列貴性省略大名。

Acknowledgment

There are three moms to whom I would like to address my keen gratitude. 廖陳**女士 lent me her kind hand when I flustered. The warm greeting and encouragement I received from 余**女士 always cheered me up. I will never forget all the wise words 羅**女士 shared with me. She inspired me with her firm belief in goodness and patience. They are not my biological mothers but treat me like their own daughter.

Many thanks go to my friends who always stand by me and bring me tons of joy: my wonderful girlfriends, Liao Miao, Lily, Bong Bong, Shirley, Clare and Nydia; all the members in The Club, Gene, Josh, Da-phong, Ging-tang, and Shockcow; classmate from Soochow University, Oliver. Their unselfish support helped me to stand up to the obstacles on the road.

I want to dedicate my special thanks to my family. I could never make it without their constant love and understanding.

The last is for the best. The process of composing this Master’s thesis is as if passing a dark and frightening tunnel to self-discovery. Since writing is an undertaking requires solitude, I hence had to cross the tunnel and find the way out by myself. When I was down and weak, there was always a person with substantial supply of support and shelter. He had unfailing faith in me even when I lost mine. He made me believe all the good things in life. He is the torch of courage in my hand which carried me through the darkness of self-doubt and fear along the way. This last dedication is to the most precious companion, 697. I could never achieve anything without you.

This Master’s thesis has been in preparation for a period of time. During the time, I have come to realize that there is no achievement can be done by any single individual. The reason for my accomplishment is these people above. They are the sellotape of love sticking this thesis together.

今日在咖啡館狹路相逢一位酷似值星官的太陽眼鏡男，心凍結了一下。

想想該是讓他回來的時候了。

最後一夜

昨晚，我為這份論文熬了最後一夜。

太陽緩緩從書桌前探出光，

我於是懷念起一路馱在肩上的種種。

跨過了，而疲憊也已生了根。